Monday, May 16, 2011

Would Asking For A Do Over Be Inappropriate At This Juncture?

Just a heads up, we're taking the long way around on this one. I've probably mentioned before that I have/had/whatever ADHD. Now, last year, I did a bit of research into ADHD and what it is and what it means. I didn't find much agreement on what it is, it varies from being considered a precursor to/indicator of bi-polar and personality disorders to being considered complete bullshit. Of the theories and such that I read, and to be honest, some were found on Wikipedia, those that believed it was real, I found a general agreement on one thing. The "thing" is the indication that people suffering from ADHD are developmentally challenged. I read a few variations on that idea,  I say again that most of this research was done via the internet(s), and there was something of a consensus that this developmental retardation is somewhere in the range of four to eight years. Essentially, aspects of an ADHD twenty something's mentality could have more in common with a fourteen or fifteen year old's.*

So, lately I've been missing writing. Don't get me wrong, I write like a motherfucker. Constantly. It is all DnD writing though. I'm building backgrounds and jotting down ideas for plot hooks and trying to rekindle my banked love of Hekinoe. Anyway, I've been thinking things over and I realized I miss writing for the sake of writing. I don't harbor dreams of being published or anything. I just get stories in my head and I enjoy writing them out. 

Specifically, I've been missing Keroen Skathos and writing about him. I miss the Nel and the fantastical nonsense of their lives and wars. I miss poor, tired, rotted Nostathon. This nostalgia has made me think about my story lately. It is definitely a flawed thing, but I do love it, and I had a hoot writing it. 

I started writing it a while ago. Seven years, I think, when I was twenty or twenty-one. I never intended for Keroen Skathos to be unimaginably powerful or unstoppable. I never intended from him to be anything other than a death god or avatar of war. I only started the tale with an  image of the sleeping king woken once more. Then the concept of the death god with a vow of pacifism and the split personality issues arose. The only real intent I had at the beginning was to show Keroen Skathos throwing off all his bullshit and realizing the truth about himself:  he doesn't give a shit about anything other than the Sokarnel, bloodshed, and the Feronel. 

Coming back around. If I was twenty-one when I started writing it, assuming there is any truth to the idea of slowed down  maturity/development, I was mentally sixteen or seventeen when I started writing the story. I was immature is what I am saying here. So looking back, it makes sense that my story ended up being a nonsensical wish fulfillment story where Keroen Skathos is badass and indestructible. 

Now that I've had a few years to think about it, I can happily say I would have done things differently. I've also had some pretty sensible advice from several corners as well, and that helps too. The main issue is Keroen's power level. His is too badass and indestructible. Any setback is only temporary and requires about five seconds for him to get around. If I could do it over, I would make his powers more definable. I would have a kind of outline for what he could accomplish at various levels of power and what would knock him back a step. I talk several times about how taxing it is for him to teleport, but there isn't really a discernible decrease in his power. 

The story has kind of become its own organism, I can tweak this scene or that, but to alter it in any meaningful way would necessitate a level of overhauling I rarely find myself prepared or inclined to do.  Oh well, you live and learn, and hopefully end up a better writer than you were seven years ago. 

*I will not be citing any of my "research" with references here, it is all shit I read on the internet that could (more than likely) be complete and utter nonsense. I'm just spitballin here. 

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