In The Mouth of Madness (And The Shitting Therein)

If a shark ever tries to eat me, I'm going to shit right in its mouth. If I have the presence of mind to think of this, I am going to bring along a Big Fuck Knife if I ever travel into open water in the hopes that I can not only shit in its mouth, but cut its face open and shit in the wound as well. Ideally this will lead to an infection and kill the fucker. More than likely it is going to lead to the shark going "I'm a fucking shark! Rawr! Nom!" and I'm going to experience what bots experience when you enable the instagib mutator on Unreal Tournament. God I love that game. Maybe I should install it on my laptop and use Heather's camera to take some pictures at work. Might be fun for Tony and I to play some old school multiplayer with all of the bots skinned as our boss Arnie, co-worker Alan, and a carevan driver Tony loves to harass named Steve. Hmmm, I wonder if I can track down that mod that lets you skin yourself as a Dark Angel, Crimson Fist, or Ultramarine. While we're on the topic, I believe that when sharks evolve they will scour the Earth and instagib the entire human race, then they and the dolphins will have an epic war that will drag the very stars from the sky. Some people believe in God and Revelations and The Rapture, the sharks and dolphins and their wars in the far flung future are my mythos.

I should write that shit down.

I wrote a wee bit of Traith's tale last night, roughly eight hundred words, ends up as maybe a page in Microsoft Word. I got to the scene I've had stuffed in my head and I think it went ok, although I think I need to get into a bit more detail when I describe what Traith sees in the soulless' chest as well as write something that flows a bit smoother when Traith blows the back out of its skull with his revolvers. What comes next involves a crazy electricity obsessed scientist named A'lst, har har. It was either A'lst or F'enstein and A'lst sounds more non-Earthian. I haven't decided on it for certain yet, but it may allude to elements of history involving Doc's people, Kaleshmar, and slavery in general. Incidentally I think I figured out how to incorporate the Githzerai and Githyanki into my campaign (because why the fuck not?), not by those names though. I've always liked those races and their history and ties to the mindflayers (Which I've always kind of wanted to play, a mindflayer that is. The list of things I've wanted to play is rather robust and eclectic). Hmmm, I may want to start considering the impending doom of Kitchen Sink Syndrome and start to eyeball myself a little more carefully as I begin to fully flesh out this weird little world of mine.

Once upon a time I wanted to play a halfling (that means hobbit ala Frodo or Bilbo) barbarian. A halfling barbarian whose main method of making people bleed from holes in them was a sling and the appropriate stones for such a weapon (that means sling stones). The most ridiculous thing was that on paper, it worked. It was definitely not an optimal build for a halfling or a barbarian or anyone intending to kill shit with a sling, but it worked. Maybe it sucked balls in-game (never got to use it), but on paper it seemed decent.

This one steampunk device per DnD related post thing I've been doing is working out nicely. It forces me to think about the technological aspects of my campaign more thoroughly. I think I've figured out a way to incorporate steampunk devices as loot without screwing over PCs who choose not to bow their heads in prayer at the brass feet of technology. I think each device will provide a constant benefit for anyone who uses it, but if you are trained in Technomancy you can "fine tune" your whirring gizmo or whosit (which will inevitably be covered in vacuum tubes and bare wires) and get a once per day ability out of it. I obviously have to figure out how to believably (in the context of a world of screwball magic, demigods, and dirigibles) power this technology in a relatively miniaturized form. Adventurers and mercenaries are not well known for the wagon trains of clunky steampowered devices they carry behind them. I do have some plans for wireless transmitted energy/electricity, but that involves the PCs A) tracking down that A'lst guy and B) aiding him in his war with a guy whose name will inevitably be a most cunning (and possible reversed) anagram of Thomas Edison (maybe Edward Thomas?). They'll also probably have to kill a bunch of shit too.

Steampunk Device of the Post: Phrenoaccelerometer. It makes you harder to daze or put to sleep.

Music: Future Soon - Jonathon Coulton