Saturday, June 7, 2014

Today Was a Great Day

First a pair of examples. 

How Leadership Works:
Setting: Ye Olde Tavern

Steve The Nondescript Pirate: [To Karrak] "Hey, you're kinda pretty and personable and have an above average amount of undead lifeforce. Let's be friends."

Karrak: "Well, I dunno about all that, but do you [pause to drink heavily as a move action] want to come hang out with me? There's no booze, women, or money in it for you, and you'll have to share a 20 x 20 x 10 room with thirty other dudes, and you might die and we're not going to arm you with anything more than some chain mail with bloodstains on it and a spear, and you could be keel hauled for desertion."

STNP: "Where do I sign up?"

Karrak: "On my dick."

STNP: "Yes sir!"

How Thrallherding Works
Setting: The Depths of Cantellen Forest

Steve The Nodescript Cant: [to himself] "I sure do like this forest and the Cant race, and I sure do hate everyone else."

Subtle Psionic Call For Servants: Bzzzt.

Setting: Fort Jagged Tooth [close to 200 miles away]

Donovan: [to STNC] "You should work against your people because I want you to."

Setting: The Depths of the Cantellen Forest

STNC: "Yes sir!"

So yeah, it was a pretty awesome day today. I played Pathfinder's Carrion Crown adventure path with a level 2 Ratfolk Alchemist. I was leery going in because I wasn't completely sold on the character. But fucking a. It was like being MacGyver with explosives. I was nominated the MVP of the group and had a super fun time with the character's personality and capabilities. I have so many potions and alchemical weapons. It's fucking awesome. So much fucking fun. So many ways to influence events and encounters. I busted out of jail twice, was brought up on murder charges, juggled explosives, made friends, was rude to lawmen, maybe fell in love a little, and befriended the local barkeep (I mention it separately from making friends in general because it got me out of jail legitimately). I did all of this and I didn't even use any of my extracts. Oh, I murdered six townsfolk as well, and I'm thinking of taking up alchemical necromancy just to spite the inbred fuckheads of Ravensgro, Ravengro, whatever the name of the fucking town is. Oh, and I broken into a crypt and stole from a church and killed some bugs. I also taught people the mechanics of poison use in Pathfinder. 

Then I texted my ex-wife (who divorced me because I don't like Sol, summer, water, or give two shits where I live beyond whether I have a job and friends and because I felt that spending 50% of my income on supporting her was more than sufficient and was unwilling to spend more on her) in California to ask her what she thought of the new season of Orange is the New Black and she told me that she is broke and may have to come back home to Michigan. I was filled with such evil evil delight that I started cackling. It was grand. I'm not even sorry or ashamed. I'm going to do it again right now.


Earlier today I got to read Cary losing his damn mind based on a post on the blog a month ago that doesn't even apply to him. Which was initially infuriating, but when I realized that he had misinterpreted the post it became extremely entertaining. I thank him deeply for his service. Then Jason and I chatted and he reconfirmed for me that he is in fact an idiot and does not understand how leadership works in Pathfinder. It's always comforting and enjoyable to have your peers confirm your beliefs. I thank him deeply for his service. I'm retroactively going to say that he got to wear the Pretty Pretty Princess tiara made of Nel dicks for two days, rather than the previously discussed one day. Maybe only one and a half days, then Cary got it for twelve hours, and it finally returned to Eric. 

So yeah, it was a great day. Maybe in this campaign I'll be able to game for longer than three consecutive sessions, which is my current record. This includes Eric's attempt at Carrion Crown, Lance's Dark Sun attempt, and Shawn's attempt at the first published 4th Edition adventure. 

Now I'm going to continue watching Orange is the New Black and drink progressively larger amounts of scotch. It's going to be delightful. 


  1. How Leadership works, counterpoint:

    Setting: Ye Olde Tavern

    Steve the Nondescript Pirate hears some loudmouth spinning a yarn about some adventure or another from the bar. STNP listens to the tale a bit and starts talking to the loudmouth as he spins more tales of daring adventure. The loudmouth buys him a drink or two and introduces himself as Karrak. The two swap some sea stories and tell some dirty jokes.

    As the night rolls on, Karrak begins to speak about a grand plan he has for the world. How he plans to become a legend, allowing him to live beyond his limited years that the fell human bloodline cursed him with. He speaks of living a life on the frontier, free from the politics of the old world. A place full of adventure and excitement and most importantly, freedom.

    He speaks of the rich future ahead of him and those who come with him. He talks about the myths and legends that will be told about their exploits and all STNP can do is think about how wonderful it all sounds.

    The man named Karrak buys him another round and tells him that he likes the cut of his jib. He thinks that STNP would make a great addition to his team. STNP thinks about it for the next few days and then packs up his few possessions and leaves for this Freebooter's Crossing and his new beginning as a figure of legend.

  2. Where he gets shoved into a 20x20x10 room with thirty other guys to choke on the scent of artisanal smegma and stand around in the cold using archaic weaponry in the middle of nowhere with no women, cash, or liquor to his name while this Karrak guy drinks himself into liver failure while shitting himself.

    Figure of legend indeed.

    You should probably remove the Gullible flaw from STNP's character sheet. Your followers and cohorts can't have flaws.


    1. 30 guys in a 20x20x10 room? You do realize you're talking about sailors right? People who live in similar conditions with more people on board ships. They're probably just happy to have their own bed.